Thursday, May 21, 2009


Some people having been asking what the letter of the day was. So I thought I would tell everyone what is was going to say.



This is how we were going to tell everyone that we were expecting. The picture frame says Our Miracle waiting to be seen. I had bought this after I went to my first doctors appointment.

How quick things change. . .

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Lots of love!

I just wanted to share a few pictures of the flowers and plants that we received from our friends, family and work places. They put a smile on our faces, so maybe they will make you smile.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I did it!

Well I made it through my first day back to work.
I knew this day was going to be hard and I just prayed that God would give me strength and he did. I know that many people are praying for Josh and I which is such a comfort in these hard times.

Many tears were flowing from my eyes today as people would come up and ask how I was feeling thinking I was still pregnant. Then I would have to tell them that I was no longer pregnant my heart would just break all over again.
I miss you my little Sweet Pea!!!
Thank You so much for your prayers!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Night out!

Josh and I had our first night out of the house together on Wednesday night. We went to see Kate Gosselin from TLC's John and Kate plus eight. She came to the Frauenthal Center in Muskegon. Way back in January my wonderful husband bought two tickets for us to see Kate. He got the gold circle ones, which meant we got to meet Kate in person and we got a copy of her new book Eight Little Faces which she signed for us. We brought our Multiple blessings book as well and she signed that one too. After the meet and greet we went into the auditorium and got ushered to our seats which were in the...... 4th row dead center amazing seats! She talked for over an hour and half telling her story about how she came to be a Mom of eight little kids. Then answered a bunch a questions from people in the audience. It was a great night here are a few pictures from our fun night out.

Outside on the street before we went in

The poster

All the people behind us we were 10th in line to meet her!


More Kate

Kate and I!!!!

After I met Kate

Waiting for Kate to come out...

Kate on stage

Monday, May 11, 2009


Thank you so much to everyone that is praying for us. Josh and I have felt very blessed these last few days. We have received many phones calls, e-mails and cards from people just letting us know that they care about us.

Yesterday was Mothers Day, it was a day that I was looking forward to my first Mothers day(kind of). The day seemed very long. It was Josh's first day back to work and my first day to be alone with out him. My parents came in the afternoon and helped me around the house cooking, cleaning and getting some groceries.
When Josh came home we all had dinner together which was very nice. It was not how I wanted to spend my mothers day, but I did feel blessed to have my husband and parents with me.

I have decided that I am going to try my best to keep things up-dated on here, as to what is going on. I am going to blog because I think it will be therapeutic for me. I want to keep all my memories of little Pea on here so I dont forget.
Also I think it is a great way to ask prayer requests.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

My broken heart...

April 29th 2009 started off as a normal day I was at work keeping busy as I always do at the hospital. It was time for lunch, and to my surprise I was hungry, and like normal I had to go to the bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed there was a little blood on the paper. I froze. I could not believe it. Not knowing what to do I asked one of the other nurses on the floor who has two children, she told me to call my doctor right away. I looked all over for a quite place to make a phone call which was next to impossible. I called the office explained to them what was going on. They said everything sounds ok, and they were going to call the doctor and see what she would like to do and call me back.
So after a good cry from being scared, off to lunch I went. A few hours later I got a call from the doctor office saying they wanted me to have some lab work done. They wanted to have some of the labs drawn on Wednesday and then some more drawn on Friday in hopes that they numbers would double. I left work early that day and went down to the lab had my lab work drawn and came right home, put my feet up and relaxed. On my way home from work I called Josh to tell him what was going on. I could tell he was trying to be strong. I was not scheduled to go to work until the following Monday so I had lots of time to just relax which is what I did. It was my mom’s birthday on Friday which was good because it kept my mind off things. On Friday night I got a call from the doctor’s office saying things looked good. My numbers on Wednesday were 4400 and then on Friday they were 6800 something. They did not double but they went up which was good. They told me to call the office on Monday morning at make an appt for our first ultra sound. I was so excited to see Little Pea.
Monday morning May 4th I woke up and went to the bathroom the spotting was a different color this time more red with clots, I was scared. I finished getting ready and off I went to work. I start work at 7 am so I was just waiting for the office to open at 8 am. Once again I called the office told there the spotting had gotten worse and I needed to come in as soon as possible. So they told me they could get my in at 11am, I said I would take it. I called Josh and told him to meet me at the hospital and we could ride together to the doctor office. We went in and the ultra sound tech started the ultra sound. She could not see the baby very well so she had me use the restroom and then did an internal ultra sound. Right away we saw little Pea. I was excited, until she said she could not get a heart beat. I began to cry she looked for a long time trying to find something to give us hope that our baby was still alive. She then said she was going to have one of the Doctor’s come in and talk to use. She came in and said it could be two things, either we were not as far along as we thought we were because they baby was only measuring 6 ½ weeks and the heart has not developed, or that we had lost the baby. She wanted to order some more labs to see if those levels that they checked before were still going up. So back the hospital Josh and I went to have more lab work done. Then we drove home and waited. I crawled into bed and just cried. Josh’s mom came over to sit with me so that josh could get some sleep, because he had not slept from working the night before. Around 4 o’clock pm I got the phone call that would change our lives forever. The labs were back and the numbers were going down. We had lost the baby.
The doctor has recommended that we have a D&C which was scheduled for Tuesday.
Soon after, we got a call from the hospital to set everything up for surgery. I needed to be there at 2:30pm for surgery at 4pm the next day.

The rest of the night I just sat with Josh and cried over and over. I felt so lost and empty. My Mom came up from Holland to sit with me so that Josh could get some sleep. Tuesday morning the phone rang a little before 8 am it was Dr. G calling to see how I was doing and make sure I did not have any questions about anything that was going to happen that day. I woke up Josh and we just spent the morning together just holding each other. 2:30pm came very fast that day. We drove to the hospital checked in and they took me back to my room. I got changed and waited for the nurse to start my I.V. Then the anesthesiologist came in and went over some paper work and gave me some medicine to make me relax. A little bit before 4pm Dr. G came in and talked with us about what she was going to do and explained the surgery. Then I was taken into the operating room. I slid over on to the table. They tried to give me some medicine to make me relax but my I.V. was not working. So 4 more pokes and they finally got one in. Then I took some deep breaths and I was asleep. The next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room. Then I was taken back to my room to recover more and Josh was waiting for me along with my Mom. Around 8 pm we headed back to my parents house so that Josh could have some dinner while I rested some more. We got ESPN and were on our way back to our house in Grand Haven. The day was very long and very hard but I am so grateful to my amazing husband who was with me every step of the way.

Ever since we have been home, I have been sleeping, crying and just not knowing what to do. I go back and forth from the bedroom to the living room. I feel empty, knowing that my baby is gone and I will never feel it again. I try to watch T.V. or a movie to get my mind off things and everything has babies on it, then I cry even more.
Around the house we have baby things baby cloths, baby toys, books about names, what to expect when you are expecting, and the new maternity cloths that we had just bought. We also had congratulation cards from people that have found out that we were expecting. One thing that is very special is something that I had wanted for a long time was the Willow tree figurine of the expected mother, which my in-laws had just given me. Every commercial on T.V. is for a Mothers day which I was looking forward to being my first mother’s day. I have been in a lot of pain from the D&C which does not help. I keeping thinking why, why did this happen to us? Why after it took us 7 months to get pregnant would we lose this baby?


Friday, May 8, 2009

The baby...

I know we never officialy announced it, but Anne and I were going to have a baby, that was what the letter of the day was all about.
This past week Annie had some spotting, light at first and the doctors said that it was pretty normal. On monday it got worse. We went to the doctor and had a ultra-sound done. Even though we were supposed to be almost 10 weeks the baby only measured for 6 1/2, and they couldn't find a heartbeat. The scan along with some blood work showed what the doctor told us over the phone "not a viable pregnancy".
Anne had a procedure on Tuesday and is recovering from that. Our friends and family have been so incredible during all of this. For all of you who have asked what you can do to help God Bless you. All we can ask for is your continued thoughts and prayers.